THE HAIR CUT
Have you ever seen one of those things that you just knew you could do. That almost cost you something important…like your marriage Walking through a Wal-Mart recently I passed a display of electric hair cutting machines. I remember thinking, now how hard can that be? The economy is tight, we need to cut corners where we can.
Twenty minutes later I proudly marched in to the back door from the garage. My wife turned and looked at me and asked, "What is that thing?"
I proudly announced, "This is a do it yourself barber kit. I am going to save that twenty five dollars a month I have been spending on hair cuts."
Being the kind and sensitive little thing she has always been quickly placed her hands on each hip and announced, "You march right back out that door and take that thing back."
I am the man of the house so I marched right out onto the patio and got out the instructions. It said it was simple. Just plug in the unit and start at the temple on one side and clip from the tip of the sideburns to the crown and continue all of the way around. 
Soon I was clipping or rather mowing starting at the tip of my right sideburn, and preceding all of the way around to the left sideburn. I had hair flying in the wind; I was looking at all of that money I was going to save over the next few years. No one mentioned that I needed a mirror.
I proudly walked back into the house and the neighbors started calling 911 when they heard my wife screaming.
The barber says it will only take about three months for it to grow out. Our elders have made a special exception that will allow me to wear my hat in church for three months.